I'm a planner. I have to have a schedule to keep sane throughout the day. Today started of normal. I woke up late for work (my job on campus) as I always do on Fridays. I can never get up. Monday - Thursday be kickin' my butt. I went to work I got off at 11:30, grabbed lunch and headed to my my meeting with my Academic Services Advisor. Side note: we were meeting to discuss my test results because I had taken a few tests weeks prior for an academic evaluation because they wanted to understand why I was struggling in school. The results basically concluded that I have issues with attention and focus. The person who tested me said that she didn't believe the scores. She said, "the scores say one thing, but when I talk to you, it's another. I don't think this test measures your true intelligence."
You will understand why I shared this information when you get to the end of this blog. So after my meeting I ran a few errands and planned to go to my next job early and do homework until it was time to start work. As I was heading to work my car started make a weird noice so I sent a message to my friend who usually works on my car and asked him if he knew what it could be. He replied and told me to come by his shop so I immediately turned around and headed to his shop. Everything was all good, I got an oil change and he explained the problem to me. I left the shop and headed to work, going a different route than usual because I was coming from an unfamiliar direction. I was following my GPS. As I came to a stop sign I looked down for a second to make sure I was going in the right direction and BOOM, I ran into the car in front of me. Right away I began to ask God why. I didn't understand. With everything I have going on, this was the last thing I needed. So at this point I'm unable to make it to work on time so I text my boss and let her know I won't make it. When I tell you God is good! I mean God is good! For real! This situation could've been so much worse! Thank God I am okay and the lady involved was okay. I didn't do much damage to her car other than a scratch. She was extremely understanding and she didn't call the police. Thank God! Because that would've ended badly.
My perspective shifted after experiencing this. My mood completely changed and I began to feel sorry for my self and at the same time really upset with myself. I went back to my dorm and got in bed right away. I didn't want to tell my mom, or anyone for that matter, what happened. I just wanted to hide away for as long as I possibly could. But that didn't work. My mom called and I told her everything instantly. I cried and I told her I needed help, I told her I needed guidance and a plan. After coming up with a plan my mom and I got off the phone. I immediately grabbed my planner and looked at the things on my to-do list. The most important thing I needed to do was homework. I am a procrastinator and I very rarely sit down and complete homework assignments, in advance. Especially at night. I'm more of a "do the assignment a few minutes before class" kind of girl. Trust me, I'm not proud of it.
Tonight was different, I completed three homework assignments. NOT ONE. THREE! I was getting ready to start the fourth assignment when I randomly thought about this website I used to go on in middle school called "Teen Ink" to write poetry. So I went to the website to see if I remembered my information to login. It took me few tries and a password reset and I finally got it. When I logged in a found the most beautiful piece of poetry that I had written in either the 7th or 8th grade. It was so beautiful, so profound. I didn't even understood how it was possible for me to even write something like that at such a young age. The piece of poetry reflected so much of who I am deep down. It's like I was on a journey of self discovery at that point of my life, and I found me. But then life happened and I lost myself again. Reading this poem was a solid reminder of who I truly am. It gave me a sense of purpose and hope. After all, life is a continuous journey of losing and finding yourself again.
I said all of this to say; EVERYTHING happens for a reason. The good and the bad. I mentioned those academic tests in the beginning because after the meeting I had I began to feel discouraged about my ability to be a good student due to my lack of focus. But the poem told me otherwise. No, the poem isn't a complete reflection of my academic abilities but it is an expression the gifts that God has given me and no test could ever determine the quality of those gifts. If I didn't experience the accident today I don't think I would have come to this realization. God has a funny way of showing up in our lives at the most interesting times. I am blessed with many hardships because in the end they will only make me stronger.
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